I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
are you so shy because you have an std?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
