I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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