If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
