Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
