i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
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