I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
