Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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