She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
