question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
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