His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
