You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
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