There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
