He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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