All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
