I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
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like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
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You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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