Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize