Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
