giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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