For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
