No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
