Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
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