so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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