just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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