please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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