she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Come see our sink grown plant.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
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