this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
