Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
