I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Randomize
