Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

(704): View more from North Carolina

I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.

Fav 11 849 3009
share tweet
(604): View more from British Columbia

Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...

Fav 17 6607 1453
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(732): View more from New Jersey

she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious

Fav 47 3138 11767
share tweet
(541): View more from Oregon

You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.

Fav 6 4812 1392
share tweet
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(443): View more from Maryland

The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.

Fav 15 4160 1543
share tweet
(561): View more from Florida

I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.

Fav 3 2484 1154
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(781): View more from Massachusetts

Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?

Fav 14 1638 3692
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(562): View more from California

That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.

Fav 5 515 1089
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(216): View more from Ohio

Those nachos came to me in a dream

Fav 0 281 147
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT