plz talk dirty to me
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.