I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
