Texts From Last Night

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  (817): View more from Texas

  You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.

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  (817): You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target. http://tfl.nu/enj6
  Replies (15) Good night (1193) Bad night (3860)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.

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  (301): Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background. http://tfl.nu/pa5j
  Replies (23) Good night (5708) Bad night (897)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.

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  (647): I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms. http://tfl.nu/aw2i
  Replies (38) Good night (7471) Bad night (1703)
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  (949): View more from California

  I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?

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  (949): I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping? http://tfl.nu/8mwq
  Replies (7) Good night (3494) Bad night (1243)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?

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  (970): You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you? http://tfl.nu/r91h
  Replies (2) Good night (1147) Bad night (2721)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.

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  (360): I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer. http://tfl.nu/agxw
  Replies (4) Good night (2319) Bad night (945)
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.

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  (989): Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings. http://tfl.nu/rih3
  Replies (5) Good night (2709) Bad night (1008)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated

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  (520): It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated http://tfl.nu/m0r0
  Replies (4) Good night (1908) Bad night (806)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.

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  (847): That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year. http://tfl.nu/exle
  Replies (16) Good night (3266) Bad night (1281)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.

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  (317): Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home. http://tfl.nu/w49b
  Replies (2) Good night (1457) Bad night (838)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  I was emotionally compromised.

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  (615): Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really? (423): I was emotionally compromised. http://tfl.nu/irpq
  Replies (1) Good night (824) Bad night (502)
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  (315): View more from New York

  You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?

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  (315): You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen? http://tfl.nu/8ha5
  Replies (21) Good night (1011) Bad night (459)
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know

  (1-989): View more from Michigan

  im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.

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  (989): yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know (1-989): im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology. http://tfl.nu/m7q7
  Replies (2) Good night (774) Bad night (340)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world

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  (610): I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world http://tfl.nu/e7ut
  Replies (2) Good night (460) Bad night (492)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by

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  (801): I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by http://tfl.nu/pt0j
  Replies (5) Good night (395) Bad night (406)

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