I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.