Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
