we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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