Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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