bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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