so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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