Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
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i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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