It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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