cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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