He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
