I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
