your thong is hanging out like whoa
You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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