You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
