As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Semen is not good for contacts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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