youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
