I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
