You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
