Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
