No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
