I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
