You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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