So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.