I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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