Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
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When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems