Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
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Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
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I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.