So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.