I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
