tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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