She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
