new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
