Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
