two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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