i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
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I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
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