so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
