Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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