Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize